From 23 to 24

Good Morning!!!!

Getting bk on the blog as it's been a while!! I would like to say it's because my life has just been so crammed with new exciting things and movie premieres but alas, it's just pure laziness. As you can see I'm writing this at 11am (whilst watching This Morning) and that literally translates to the fact that my soaring career is...well...not soaring. More flapping around about and inch off the ground!!

So since my last blog the flat we wanted fell through!! rubbish!! so more viewings were had, more shit holes were stepped in!! I actually looked at one place where the kitchen was sooooo small the fridge/freezer was in the living room!! An the guy showing me around tried to act as tho this was perfectly normal!! sure, lets just go all the way and put the oven in the bedroom and i'll sleep in the bath! what a knob!! BUT we've found another place so fingers crossed for this one!! We have one more week in this flat until we are couch surfing!! no pressure!

On a happier note - IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!! I now write this blog as a 24 yr old - urgh!! I did manage to stretch out my birthday celebrations for as long as possible which seems to be a particular talent of mine!!

Pre Birthday, Martin took me to see Les Mis! Hadn't seen it for about 10yrs and forgot how epic it is! Had tears in my eyes as soon as the overture started - what a gay! 

Then I had the mother over for lunch!! I say this as though she came over for my birthday - NO, she actually just wanted a parking space in London!! obviously feeling a little parched came in for a brew and it turned to lunch with a usual toilet pit stop! Cheers Mum!! I jest, she brought me gifts! I was v. happy! :)

For my actual birthday I had to work, started my new teaching assistant job which was interesting!! I have soooo much respect for primary school teachers. I really do dislike kids - alot!! They're so bloody annoying!! "I need the toilet!", "Can you tie my lace?" NO! "I want my mum!" GO HOME THEN! lol you can see I'm going to make a great mother one day!! 

Then....People came back for Zumba! I actually made a profit!! Now I didn't make millions, thousands or even hundreds but I made money and they came back!! Fingers crossed tomorrow's the same!! The evening was completed with a few drinks in good old spoons with some lovely chums!!

Then obviously came my kids birthday party!! I had soooo much fun - definitely proved I am still a kid trapped in this ageing body!! it's not fair - i need to get hold of some proper directions to neverland! second star to the right and straight on til morning is a tad vague!!

The night consisted of stuffing our faces with pizza and old school classics such as wagon wheels, ice gems, dip dabs and lots of haribo!! Then there was pass the parcel, smashing the pinata, pin the tail on the donkey and donuts on a string which resulted in a lot of chocolate smeared down my wall and mirror!! and donut chunks on the floor. That was fine until the landlord showed up next morning and martin casually stood up and placed himself in front of the wall to hide the mess! can't believe we got away with that one!

Unfortunately the rest of the week has been back to normal!! searching for jobs, packing up the flat and trying to cover up the bags under my eyes!!!

A small gem has appeared though as I have booked a holiday to Marakesh with 2 of the besties!! extremely excited for this!! having to cash in some shares to cover the payment but absolutely worth it!! Gonna go plan the trip on Friday so will have more news next time!! 

I think thats all for now - I have spent an hour writing this (was slightly distracted by my guilty crush - Philip Scholfield! U no im right!) Now at midday I need to retain SOME dignity and pride and maybe get showered and dressed!! 

Much love to all xx

"And if you just climb over the dead animal, you'll find the master bedroom"

Good Evening!!


I've just got back from teaching my first Zumba class - and people actually turned up!! Now I'm not depicting an image similar to Jesus surrounded by 5,000 followers BUT there were people!! And enough people to not be awkward!! RESULT!! In fairness, I had some chums to make up the numbers for which I am extremely grateful but it was a start!!


But before I get carried away and start nominating myself for business woman of the year I think i'll wait to see what happens next when they actually have to PAY to listen to my voice and watch me jump around like a dickhead! My concern is, it's my birthday next week so that'll be highly depressing if I end up sitting in a room by myself with only dance mirrors so I can stare long and hard into them wondering where it all went wrong!!


Now, the reason I am hoping....no....PRAYING my Zumba classes are successful is that I found out I have to move out of my flat by the end of the month and I have truly seen what my current financial situation equates to in housing! I warn those of you with a sensitive disposition to stop reading now!


Ok maybe thats an exaggeration but me and the fella have spent the last week being estate agent whores, desperately trying to find a 2 bedroom flat at a similar cost to what we've been paying at our current flat. To summarise - our landlord obviously knows nothing about business or house value and has subsequently given us a steal!!


We have spent the last week walking round flats that I wouldn't re home a tramp in. I have stepped over cat litter trays to find myself in the box room that literally is...A BOX! I have smiled politely at the agent whilst inhaling the potent smell of urine whilst trying to utter a positive comment such as "ooh, that's a nice.....door handle???"
And since when has "close to the tube station" meant a 15minute trek through back streets of London. Even the foxes would regard that as too far! 


However, we finally came across a little gem!! The current tenant had about 10 cats there (obviously a lonely single man) so it offered a certain acquired scent but other than that it was lovely! And unlike all the other properties I could actually reach out my arms without hitting my hand on the other side of the room!! So fingers crossed we'll put an offer in!! and if that is rejected then depending on the landlords preference either Martin can put something else in or I shall let them put it in me! you gotta do what you gotta do hey!!


As for my search of finding my inner child I have decided to have a kids birthday party and this week have been looking into buying a tamagotchi! do you remember these things?? they were amazing!! I loved and treasured mine until I went on holiday and left them in my mums care - she killed them all!! I should be thankful however that it was due to a retardedness of technology and nothing else or my growing up could have been a lot different spent in social care!! Anyway, hopefully I shall be the proud owner of a tamagotchi in the near future!! :)


It is now a week until I turn 24!! eugh!! That really is the near future!


Any way, I am blogged out for the evening, it's time for a brew!! :)


Laura xxx

And here it goes....

So it's early hours of Jan. 1st 2012 approx. 00.10am and whilst most people my age are laying in a gutter in their own sick and faeces at this annual celebration I am with some of my favouritist chums sipping champers with a belly full of pizza about to find out my fate for this Year!


We've decided to make a New Years Resolution each, write it on a piece of paper and then put it into a bag to then pull a different one out at random!! I pulled out mine with anticipation - this makes perfect sense if you know people such as Gary Bovill contributed to this game! Luckily I pulled out Scott's resolution: 


"To create a you tube channel or blog for the year".


So here I am with my shiny new blog! Now it's just a case of being interesting and having something witty, brilliant a simple genius to say...how hard can it be??!!


So welcome to my life!! I am a twenty-something proud Essex girl who after training to be a dancer for god knows how many years is finally in the real world wishing I'd listened to my Dad when he told me to keep dance as a hobby but get a 'real' job!!


I have spent the past few months going to pointless auditions where they look at me with pity as I stand next to some other girl who is tall and practically wearing nothing more than underwear, thick black fake eye lashes and so much fake tan she smells of warm babies vomit! Unfortunately being 5'2, paler than snow white and sporting more layers than a bloody onion i'm "just not what they're looking for"! I have vowed this year I shall sell my soul to the commercial dancer devil and attend more auditions looking like some sort of drag queen that they seem to love and see what happens!! 


And of course I'll write all the disasters and triumphs in my blog! So fingers crossed!!


Next week I officially become a qualified Zumba instructor - this is because I need the money to fuel my love for food and pointless shit on ebay and maybe have something left over for the daylight robbery that is renting a flat in London!! Rather excited but nervous that only one person will turn up and I will have to spend an hour overly smiling to compensate for the sheer awkwardness of the situation whilst planning my suicide!!


I will finish this blog soon before I sound like a cynical depressive but last point I need to make is that my own New Years Resolution is to do something each week that makes me feel like a kid!! Over the last year I feel I have become too boring and serious and this is quite simply not ok!! So even if it's just having jelly and ice cream for pudding I shall do something that sticks a middle finger up at adulthood!! And that's me!!


So here's to an exciting 2012 full of fun, laughter and more amazing memories! And maybe breaking a Guiness World Record.....I won't go into that one, rather leave abruptly on a cliffhanger for dramatic effe.....


x